Cooked Up Kureno: The Tales of a Chicken Drumstick
by Teh Future Mrs. Kyo Sohma
Summary: Kureno transforms in the street and endures being trampled, mangled and being turned into a crispy, chicken drumstick! Will he ever be able to collect all his body bits and transform back, or will he cluck his last breath?
1. How It All Began

**A/N:**

**This, my friends, is the first (well, kinda) in the TALES SERIES!**

**I got bored of Nao and decided to do Kureno first instead!**

**Woo!**

**Kureno is the chicken!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except this story. Boo.**

**Warnings: You may experience a weird noise erupting from your throat, which sounds like 'ha ha ha' or 'he he he'. OOC.**

**NOTE: For Gawd sakes, I know Kureno isn't cursed! Just pretend he is, would ya?**

He scurried down the street. There was no turning back now. His little chicken legs pounded up and down as he twisted around yet another bend and into a dark, deserted alley way. The sun crept around him, forming a luminous shadow around a flashing sign, which said 'KFC'. He took a deep breath. This was trouble with a capital 'T', rhyming with a-

"Gee. I'm screwed."

Kureno had been walking cautiously down the busy, squishy street. People surrounded him wherever he looked. He could barely twitch a finger without touching someone. Suffocation creeped around his throat like an ever-so-long snake, winding it's way along a dirty, dusty pathway full of humans and their reproductive organs hanging out. Kureno's mind twirled as he paused in the middle of the street to turn into a local store, where Akito had asked him to buy some candy. Kureno stopped a bit too fast though, which he realized when a girl came crashing into the back of him.

"Shit."

There was a loud 'poof' noise and he was gone. Everyone turned around to face where the noise was coming from. What was he to do? He stood very still between a chubby woman and her daughter. Their legs seemed to keep him hidden and soon, people had lost interest and started to move again. But that caused a problem of its own as his was dragged roughly across the ground.

He didn't know how he would escape. He knew a chicken could fly, but that was impossible. He was being mangled by someone's shoe when it hit him. Literally.

"Coming through! Street cleaner! Coming through!"

He was swept across the road and into the filthy, spinning turbines of the street cleaner. He span around at magnificent speeds, before it spat him out and into the middle of the road. Just as a truck was coming. Straight for him.

He scurried off the road and into the opposite direction. This took him to a near by school, which of course, meant children. Not knowing it was a school, Kureno snuck through the gates and into the yard.

"Look!" Came a booming voice from above. "A chicken!"

Loud screams came from every direction of poor Kureno, as he looked up and saw what seemed to be an ocean of hands and feet coming towards him. Sticky fingers reached for his feathers. Dirty shoes kicked at his body. He chirped loudly, trying to scare them off. Damn, he even bit their fingers. But these kids were persistent. He knew there was only one thing he could do.

"Leave me alone!" He yelled angrily. The children stopped dead in their mucky tracks. That chicken… did that chicken… talk?

He ran for it. He ran as fast as his chubby chicken legs could carry him. He knew he couldn't run like this forever. He needed an escape plan. Then, he had an idea.

Running at top speed, he outstretched his wings and flapped hard. Kureno ran faster, his legs pumping crazily, until they were no longer touching the ground. He smiled a chickeny smile.

"I'm doing it!" He cried out, joyfully. "I'm doing it! I'm doing it! I'm d- oof!"

Kureno went smacking into the window of a bus.

The bus driver scrunched up his face is disgust.

"Filthy birds," He muttered, while reaching for the button which turned the windscreen wipers on. "Out of line, they are."

Kureno's body went sprawling through the air as it was flicking from the windscreen. Once hitting the ground with a thud, Kureno groaned. He got back up though and began to walk at normal, chicken pace. He saw an alley.

"Perfect," He mumbled, running for the alley. This was his break. Now all he had to do was transform back, find his clothes, buy from lollies, walk back to Sohma Estate and-

"Hey look boys," Came a rough voice from beside him. "Seems like the coocoo clock found a new representative!"

Kureno knew the person was talking about him. He looked up.

"KILL IT!"

He pelted up the road to the alley. He ran so fast, his body couldn't keep up with his legs. The boys, as they seemed, were on skateboards. The wheels clacked loudly behind him, threatening dangerously to run him over.

He scurried down the street. There was no turning back now. His little chicken legs pounded up and down as he twisted around yet another bend and into a dark, deserted alley way. The sun crept around him, forming a luminous shadow around a flashing sign, which said 'KFC'. He took a deep breath. This was trouble with a capital 'T', rhyming with a-

"Gee. I'm screwed."

**A/N:**

**Yay for beginnings! **

**What'd ya think?**

**I think I did quite well, for something so weird.**

**Poor little Kureno.**

**Sadness...**


	2. Cooked Up Kureno

**A/N:**

**Thanks my reviewers. I updated for j00! **

**SQUEE.**

The boys were walking past the alley. Kureno hid behind a rubbish tin as one poked his head around the corner.

"I don't see it."

"Oh well. C'mon boys. Lets go."

Kureno let out a chickeny sigh of relief. Suddenly, he felt something in his throat. Something building up and threatening dangerously to come out.

"Nrrg!" He gagged on what he was about to say. "CLUCK!"

Kureno blushed beneath his feathers. He presumed he'd been a chicken for too long. He rubbed his head with one of his wings. This directed his attention to the sign. This particular sign was a bad sign. A sign from God that he shouldn't be here right now. A sign that he'd better get out, as foot steps were coming.

The sign of KFC.

A door behind him swung open with a thud. A chubby, Italian man stepped out.

"Yo, Luigi, you dropped a-one!" He yelled. "You be paying for this out of you-a pay check!"

Kureno attempted to run. He tried to make a run for it. But he couldn't move. He was glued to the ground by a mysterious, unknown force. His mind raced. Could this be the end, for him? He never though he would go this way. His thoughts were interrupted as the man's greasy hand plucked him around the neck. He gasped as his air supply became short. His vision blurred as he watched himself be carried away and the door being closed behind him.

Everything went black.

.xxx.

When he woke up, he was in a crate. His scrawny neck was hanging out of a hole in the side. Kureno twisted his head around and looked behind him. He was in here with thousands of dead –or dying- chickens.

"What's going on?" He asked himself. This caused more trouble than he thought. The man carrying the crate dropped it with a painful thud.

"What'd ya say, Mario?"

A man wearing a red hat turned. "I didn't-a say nuttin!"

Kureno was once again lifted from the ground. Before too long, the crate full of chicken was tipped all over a bloody board. Kureno looked up. A man with a knife was above him.

"This bugger's alive!" He yelled to the man who carried the crate. "Look!"

Kureno lay still, but he couldn't fake not breathing.

"Ah! You're right!"

Kureno closed his eyes as the knife slashed along his neck, killing him instantly. There was all white as Kureno's soul's ghost flew from his body. Kureno grimaced. He was dead!

His ghost looked down as the man hacked up his body into bite size pieces.

"I wonder what on the menu I'll be turned into?" Kureno said out loud, as no one could hear him anymore. His legs were being broken off. The rest was being cut into tiny peices; seemed to be like popcorn chicken.

"Well, at least I'll go out with a pop!" Kureno laughed at himself. It was the first time he'd laughed in a long time.

**(A/N: Kureno's ghost is still a chicken. And don't think because Kureno's dead he can't do awesome stuff. You'll see how wrong you are, soon!)**

His little chicken self floated towards his now hacksawed body. He stared at it. His head had been thrown aside. How pitiful he looked. He smiled to himself once again as the man threw the pieces along the a line of moving conveyer belts. These lead to the back of the resturant.

A tall, teenage girl with blackish hair (me!) scooped them up and threw them ever-so-roughly into a giant deep fryer.

"Please forgive me, Kureno." She mumbled to herself. "I'm sorry."

"She knows it's me!" Kureno gasped. "But... it's too late to get her help..."

They sizzled for what seemed like an eternity before she bought them back out and tipped them on yet another bench.

"I'll have… three kilo's of popcorn chicken with extra fat and two chicken wings with a sludge smoothie, thanks." Came a young, female voice from behind him, somewhere. He watched as his body get covered in weird, spicy looking stuff. He looked sick.

"Gross!" He uttered, in cry-like form. "Eww, eww!"

It was then, Kureno got sucked back into his body.

.xxx.

Kureno opened his eyes. He could see outside, but everything was above him. What was going on now? It was then it hit him. Literally. Again.

It had occurred to him that maybe he had been trapped within a piece of his own chicken drumstick, sort of like a genie in a bottle. He could see outside, because he was trapped inside of it. This was due to the fact it was HIS body.

This had come to mind when a hundred tiny pieces of himself toppled onto him.

_Sick,_ he though to himself… _I'm getting drowned by my own flesh._

The container he was in was then picked up and roughly chucked upon a bench, where a lid was slapped on top. A loud voice was heard outside of the enclosure.

"Popcorn, smoothie and legs on isle four!"

Kureno sighed. He was about to get eaten and he'd be fully alive… kinda… to witness it! His head jerked up as he had an idea. A last chance to get himself out of this mess.

He could only pray it would work.

**A/N:**

**What's Kureno gonna do now?**

**I know… but you don't!**

**HA!**


	3. Fatty Boombah Lacky

**A/N:**

**Guess what, guys! I wrote this while I was in Melbourne on holiday.**

**I was looking out over the city while typing it up.**

**I had the best kinda inspiration.**

**Woo.**

**NOTE: Kureno is still a chicken ghost inside of a drumstick.**

Kureno thought back to when he was a chicken; he could still talk. He was still a chicken, right? Of course, he was dead, but he didn't think it would make much of a difference. His chickeny soul took a deep breath as the woman took him in her arms. Well, him and the rest of his body. He wondered where he was, until he heard the familiar clack of automatic doors.

_Going to the car. _Kureno thought. _Perfect…_

Kureno, forgetting that his breath was still being held in, breathed out.

_Wait… I don't need to breathe. What am I doing?_

He shook his head as the lid of the chicken container was opened. A chubby hand fiddled around inside, until it picked up a hunk. Kureno looked up as the woman took a fatty bite. Grease dripped down her face in a manor that wasn't even humane. His eye twitched; what a horrible woman! Her hand dipped in again and plucked him from the basket.

This was his chance.

"STOP!" He yelled as loud as he could. If he could still talk, that lady was sure to hear him. "Stop eating me!"

The fatty boombah-lacky screamed and hit on the breaks. Hard.

"W-W-Who said that!" She asked, fat wobbling around her neck. "Answer me!"

Kureno giggled inwardly as his piece of chicken was dropped to the floor of the car. It rolled around until it came in contact with the back seat. Kureno's head span.

"I am… the ghost of the KFC drumstick…" Kureno bellowed as loud as his chickey mouth could. "I would suggest that you… that you stop eating my body…"

"Huh?"

"STOP EATING ME, ALREADY!" Kureno screeched in a very OOC-ish way.

"Yes sir!" The fatty boombah-lacky said, reaching for all the pieces of chicken she dropped, including him, and threw them out the window of her car. Kureno was relieved.

"Hmm…" Kureno's ghost pushed against the blubbering coating of its prison. It was no use. He seemed to be quite trapped. "Oh well. At least no one around here is hungry."

Kureno looked around and noticed that all of his body parts had been cooked. Even his eyes and head had been. He wondered that maybe if he got all his body parts together again, maybe he could transform, or something. He'd need a miracle. He'd need a place to stay. He'd need a way to get around and to pick things up.

At this point, his ghost flew from his drumstick.

.xxx.

_I must be able to go to my drumstick and leave it at random intervals. _Kureno decided, as he flew around the bits of his body and inspected them. _I wonder if I can pick things up._

Kureno remembered reading a children's book in a waiting room at the hospital, while Akito was having something done to her spleen. The book had a ghost in it; he could recall it being called Casper, or something. He remembered that if someone believed in him being a ghost, then he could pick things up, because people believed he existed.

_But who around here would believe in ghosts?_

He considered Kyo; he was a cat, wasn't he? And cats can see ghosts.

_Nah…_

He considered haunting Akito into believing he existed.

_Akito would probably have a heart attack._

Then he had an idea. Who in the whole of Japan believes everything she hears, sees and is told about? Who would listen to a voice, if no one else could hear it? Kureno smiled to himself as he left his body parts and flew towards the end of the city.

_Tohru._

.xxx.

Kureno hadn't been to Shigure's house before. He'd only ever waited outside in the car while Akito visited. From where he was now, he had no idea of how to get to Tohru. Figuring he could just take a guess, he took a left and headed over the city. He seemed to be going in the right direction, as he could see a forest-y looking area about 12 blocks away from where he was. He flew onwards.

_I wonder if I'll have to go inside._

The closer he came to the compound, the more worried he became. He wondered if this was really such a good idea. He wouldn't want to freak Tohru out and have her die from shock, or anything.

_That's something Akito would do._

As Kureno flew down to the ground, where the house was, he noticed Tohru standing on the porch with a washing basket in her hand. Her eyes were full of determination as she wandered across the flat, grassy ground to the line. She began to sing a distant tune.

"Who's in the forest strolling…? The birds and the bees sing Mo-mi-ji…"

Kureno raised an eyebrow. What kind of a song was that? He floated towards her and sat on the top of the line.

"Hello." He said quite clearly, his neck tingling from the sudden, lively movement.

Tohru jolted, stumbled and collapsed to the ground, her hair in a frazzle and her face filled with fright. Brown locks shrouded her face as she got up and turned around. There was no body around, except her. Shying behind a sheet, she continued her work, not knowing that Kureno was dead and above her.

"I said, HELLO." Kureno snapped quite loudly, causing Tohru to whip around again.

"W-Who's there!" Tohru stuttered. She remembered how Kyo and Yuki had told her that she needed to stand up for herself more. "Who?"

_This is my chance!_

"It's Kureno." The chicken ghost whispered. "I need you to help me." He paused and added, "Please." Because that's manors.

"Mr. Kureno…" Tohru started. "I can't see you."

Kureno sighed. "I died earlier on today. To put a long story short, I'm a ghost. A chicken ghost. I need you to help me become a human again. Maybe even alive."

Tohru bundled her skirt. "But how can I help you?"

"I need you to believe in me. Then I can pick up my drumsticks and popcorn chicken and get back to normal."

Tohru raised an eyebrow at the statement Kureno had made, but blew it off and agreed. She clenched a hand into a fist and raised it into the air.

"I will do my best to help you, Mr. Kureno!" she hollered.

Kureno smiled. "Please, just called me Kureno…"

**A/N:**

**Phew.**

**That was so hard.**

**I got some help from a friend… of mine.**

**Woo.**


End file.
